There was a time in my life where I was holding on to so many personal struggles, hurts and sadness in secret.
On the outside you would have never known. I was good at playing the part. I was good at showing up for everyone, except myself.
At home my world was crashing down. My marriage wasn’t doing well. I was depressed at home. Barely getting through the days juggling little kids, our schedules and my responsibilities at home. I felt alone and knew I couldn’t share my pain with anyone.
It wasn’t until one day one of my friends caught me in a hard moment I couldn’t fake my way out of. I broke down and told her everything going on in my life. I sat there with tears streaming down my face. She looked at me with such sadness. Not pity, but sadness. She was hurt I had not shared with her my ongoing struggles with her and felt bad I was walking though it all alone.
I have found there is this guard up that most moms have. We walk around playing a part because, well let’s be honest, we have to. No one is going to keep our life moving but us. But sometimes, we have to take the mask off. We have to let our barriers down and share our hurts and struggles with others. Can I tell you why?
The moment I opened up to her, she opened up to me. She was also carrying burdens and issues with her marriage and personal hurts at home. She was struggling with her kids and how she was raising them. Suddenly, I didn’t feel so alone.
This moment of hurt I was trying so hard to conceal ended up being the moment my healing began, and for my friend as well.
I often think women try to be everything to everyone. We give ourselves an invisible award when we have checked all the boxes and maintained a life we think we want. We show up with perfect looking kids, showing of a perfect marriage, a perfect house and life all put together, which is nothing but a fake façade. I’ve been around long enough to know perfect anything doesn’t exist.
We are missing the connection we could be having with others around us - other moms who need to know they aren’t alone in their journey of raising a family.
It may just be me, but I am drawn to the hurting moms, the unappreciated and struggling moms. Are you? Have you ever thought about what gravitated you toward the people in your circle? Is it the perfect façade they show? Or is it the transparency of a life you can relate to?
For me, anyone who is willing to not only tell me, but show me their imperfections are my people. I don’t want to walk next to someone who feels they need to wear a mask. I don’t want to walk through life with people who “have it all together.” Show me someone who is willing to show me their messy, lived in house and I am your friend for life.
Put down your mask, friends. Stop trying to impress yourself with your invisible medals. You’re missing real connection with other moms when you do that. You are missing the point of a real community and doing life together.
Wouldn’t you want to help your friends if you knew they were struggling? Why would you think your friends would be any different?
Is it scary, yes! But your joy is on the other side of fear - I promise!
On the plus side, if they don’t respond with anything but love and support, were they really your friend to begin with? It’s ok - I’ve had to let go of some of those “friends” throughout my journey too. They aren’t your people.
Surround yourself with moms - with women who want to do the imperfect, struggling days, need encouragement kinda life with you! You won’t regret it.
What mask are you ready to take down? Send me a message and share your thoughts on sharing your real life with friends.
Have a mom question? Send me any questions you have. I’ll get you an answer or reply in an upcoming weeks newsletter.
